Monday, June 26, 2006

The Eight People You Will Meet in Hell!

From the Dick Cheney Survival Bible, here is a fitting list of the eight most likely people you will meet in hell:

Alberto Gonzales
U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez has been Bush's loyal Tio Tomas ever since way back in the earliest days of the Texas governorship. His servitude has been richly rewarded by Bush appointments: from general counsel to then-governor Bush to Texas Secretary of State, then to the Texas Supreme Court, then counsel to President Bush in 2001 and finally to U.S. attorney general in 2005. Demonstrating a Orwellian disregard for the constitution he is supposed to uphold, he dutifully engineered Cheney's torture policy, has covered Cheney's ass by keeping secret the details of his Energy Task Force, and has stood in resolute defense of the administration's warrantless spying on U.S. citizens.

Karl Rove
Karl Rove, White House senior policy adviser and master of the dark arts, is also known as "Bush's brain." He started making a name for himself in 1970 at the age of 19 when he used a false identity to create fake campaign flyers discrediting a competitor. He used the same technique for Bush's run against then-Texas governor Anne Richards implying she was a lesbian, again for Bush's 2000 presidential nomination battle against Senator John McCain implying he fathered a black child out of wedlock, and in the 2004 presidential election, on a grand, electoral scale, putting anti-gay measures on ballots in key states to bait right-wing fundamentalists. Most recently he is said to have illegally leaked the identity of undercover CIA agent Valerie Plame to columnist Robert Novak, apparently intending to discredit her husband, who had attacked the Administration's evidence used to justify the Iraq war. Rove never let morals or national security get in the way of maligning someone's character.

Katherine Harris
Florida Congresswoman Katherine Harris is the former Florida secretary of state who made sure Bush won in 2000 by stopping the hand recounts. She won her first election to the state Senate in 1994 thanks to illegal contributions from a Florida insurance company and went on to sponsor legislation in 1996 to benefit the company. She was elected in 1998 as secretary of state, a position in which she faced allegations of misconduct because of lavish spending on overseas travel. But nothing matched the conflicts of interest and unethical behavior she displayed in the 2000 presidential election, hiring a firm that purged 65,000 names from the voter rolls and turned hundreds of people away from the polls. The vast majority of them African-American? What a coincidence! Looks like she's now having a tough time in the Florida U.S. Senate race. Even the Bushes have been looking for someone stronger. But they still haven't repaid their debt to her. The vice presidency might be their chance.

Richard Pombo
U.S. Representative for California's 11th Congressional district, Republican Richard Pombo is the nation's No. 1 enemy of the environment. He openly dreams of wiping out the Endangered Species Act, selling off national parks and monuments, handing public lands over to mining companies and drilling for oil off every coastlineÑall for the sake of our children. He portrays himself as a champion of "private property rights" because he has no regard for public lands or the public good. He has been rewarded by several "all-about-me" organizations-Ñthe United States Business and Industrial Council, the National Taxpayers Union, Americans for Tax Reform, and the Chamber of CommerceÑ-for his activism in reducing government regulation, taxation, and spending on all those things that benefit others. He is also author of "This Land Is Our Land," a book that advocates private property rights; the "our" refers to ranchers like him who own the land.

John Bolton
John Bolton, U.S. ambassador to the United Nations, made a name for himself in the Bush administration by fighting to exempt the U.S. from the International Criminal Court and torpedoing the enforcement of the Biological Weapons Convention. He also made a name for himself in political circles going out of his way to crush dissent. "He abuses his power and authority with little people," said a former State Department intelligence chief at his Senate confirmation hearing. He wants to move the United States out of the United Nations and the United Nations out of the United States, positions that have earned him the contempt of his peers at the UN.

Bill Frist
Tennessee Senator Bill Frist became Senate Majority Leader after Trent Lott was driven from the position in 2002. Frist is currently under investigation by the Securities and Exchange Commission for having dumped millions of dollars worth of a company's stock which were supposedly in a blind trust two weeks before the company took a huge financial hit. The company happened to be his family's Hospital Corporation of America. Frist is perhaps best known as a physician whose method of performing a medical exam on a brain-dead woman is to watch her on videotape and declare from afar, "Looks good to me." Now that's the type of commitment to quality and integrity we need to replace Cheney.

Rick Santorum
Arch-conservative Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum has based his career around family values. Accordingly, as the number three Republican in the Senate, he has worked hard to block any increase in the minimum wage, deny health care for poor families, shift the tax burden from the wealthiest one-half a percent and effectively sabotage public education. And he's been outspoken in his defense of family values from any and all things gay, a word which is for him synonymous with bigamy, polygamy, incest and bestiality. But, hey, he believes that intelligent design is an intelligent alternative to evolution. So he must have evolved intelligently--from what?

Antonin Scalia
Possibly the most evil man in America, the associate justice of the Supreme Court has made it clear that he loathes minorities, women, gays, the American constitution, Democrats, Al Gore, and just about everything else that interferes with his world view, which would be completely at home with some of the villains in The Da Vinci Code. Recently he flipped the bird to journalists in Boston, proving that his manners off the court are as crude as they are on the court.

For more, please visit: The Dick Cheney Survival Bible

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